


When Rules 34 and 63 Collide

by writing_in_the_dark



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dekobokko Arc, F/F, Feminine pronouns, Genderbending, GinHiji - Freeform, HijiGin, Lesbian Sex, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:47:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_in_the_dark/pseuds/writing_in_the_dark
Summary: What if the resolution to the Dekobokko arc hadn’t come as quickly or easily as it did in canon? Would we have gotten some F/F action?Ginko: Yes. There’s no way Tenko-chan could have resisted my subtle flirtation.
Relationships: Hijikata Tenko/Sakata Ginko
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	When Rules 34 and 63 Collide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seliaeden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seliaeden/gifts).



> To level-set expectations, Ginko does zero "subtle" flirting in this fic.

“ _Ne~_ , Tenko.” The woman’s voice floated the arm’s length to her companion.

The response was a deep, manly, indifferent grunt.

From where she lay on her futon, the woman propped herself up on her elbow and proposed, “Let’s fuck.”

Her companion’s attention was captured. Sitting up on her futon, she responded incredulously, “What? Have two months of living in the void of outer space taken away what little sense you had?”

Their first attempt to reverse the effects of the gender swapping was unsuccessful. They had arrived at Planet Chris too late, and the Dekobokkoists were already gone. However, Ginko’s first thoughts of fucking Tenko dated farther back than that, so the months at space weren’t the cause of Ginko’s yearning. “Not at all. Ginko-san is as sensible as ever.”

“That’s not very reassuring,” Tenko grumbled, lying back down and rolling over to face away from Ginko.

“Who knows how long it’ll be before we track down the Dekobokko ship? While we wait, let’s fuck!”

“Don’t be stup– _Ghaaa!!!_ ”

In the middle of Tenko rolling back over to face Ginko and let her know what an idiot she was, Ginko crawled on top of her, straddled her wide hips, and pinned her down on her back.

“What the fuck are you doing, idiot?!”

“What am I doing? I’m doing this…” Ginko leaned in for a kiss, but Tenko pushed her face away.

“Are you crazy?! I don’t want to kiss you! I’m straight!”

“Oh? Are you saying you’re into women?”

“Yes!”

Ginko grinned. “What a coincidence. I just so happen to be a woman right now.”

“You might have a woman’s body, but you are still the same dumb- _mmm_.” Tenko’s counterargument turned into a suppressed moan as Ginko reached between Tenko’s legs and rubbed just the right spot. Despite the layers of clothing in the way, it felt amazing.

Continuing to massage the spot, Ginko chuckled. “Ok, I believe you, Tenko-chan. You really are into women. Look how you respond to a woman’s touch, throwing your head back and moaning.”

“That– I– _Ahhh_ …” Tenko melted under Ginko’s ministrations.

Taking advantage of Tenko’s pliant state, Ginko went in for a kiss again, and this time, she met with very little resistance.

Their tongues made contact, and Tenko gave herself over to the pleasure, deepening the kiss and placing her hands on the sides of Ginko’s waist. As they kissed, she moved her hands down, feeling up Ginko’s hips. Though Ginko was trim, her body shape still retained some of the best curves from Gintoki’s body, including a grabbable ass.

Well, if Tenko was going to feel up Ginko, Ginko was going to feel up Tenko. With one hand on each of Tenko’s massive breasts, Ginko began massaging and gently squeezing, but she wanted more. Breaking the kiss, Ginko proposed, “Let’s get naked.”

“What?! No! That’s– It’s cold in here! That’s why we sleep crammed into the corner of this freezing cargo hold next to the space heater!” It was understandable that the spaceship they hired only had so many living quarters to spare, but why Ginko and Tenko had to sleep in the cargo hold while Kagura Dun and Sekitobaharu got their own room was unreasonable if you asked Tenko.

Untying her own obi and shrugging off her yukata, leaving her in only a pair of strawberry-patterned low-rise bikini-cut panties, Ginko argued, “We can keep each other warm.”

“But…” Tenko covered her chest with her arms and quietly gave the real reason she didn’t want to disrobe. “This body… Nobody wants to see it…”

“I do,” Ginko countered, attempting to wrest Tenko’s arms out of the way.

“But…”

Ginko gently poked at Tenko’s squishy side and conceded, “I know the mayonnaise caught up with you, but I want to touch you all over. I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick you _down there_ until you scream.”

Tenko shook her head with shame. “I don’t get it. Why would you want that from me?”

Ginko shrugged. She didn’t really understand why either. “Because you’re you.”

Tenko wasn’t sure what to make of Ginko’s words, but nothing about the way they were said or the look on Ginko’s face gave her reason to doubt that she seriously wanted to get naked and do pervy shit together. If they were both guys, Hijikata wouldn’t even entertain the notion, but in their current state, to her surprise, she had no real objections to the idea. Maybe it was the perfect tits hovering in her field of vision preventing her from seeing any downsides. She blushed and relaxed her arms down by her sides, mumbling, “All right.”

Ginko smiled, and it wasn’t her usual sadistic asshole grin; it was a genuine smile of happiness at receiving permission to see and touch all of Tenko. Biting her bottom lip in anticipation, she pulled the top of Tenko’s yukata open, exposing her bare chest, and gave a giddy, excited giggle.

Tenko pulled her yukata back over her chest and tried to push Ginko away.

Refusing to budge, Ginko pouted and demanded, “Oi, what gives, Tenko-chan? I was admiring those!”

“‘Admiring’?” Tenko had assumed Ginko was laughing at her. She was so insecure about her body that it didn’t even cross her mind that the giggle might have indicated anything else.

“Yes! These,” Ginko opened up Tenko’s yukata once again, “are glorious!” Grasping them, Ginko elaborated, “They’re huge, but they aren’t saggy at all! They’re perky! They’re firm but soft! And these,” Ginko continued, lightly rolling Tenko’s nipples between the pads of her fingers, “are so sexy. They’re the perfect shade of rose.” She giggled, pleased with herself. “Look how hard they’re getting for me.”

Tenko tried to stifle the moan that came from the unexpected pleasure of Ginko stimulating her nipples, but she didn’t quite manage to hold it back, giving a small, closed-mouth squeak. Aghast, she slapped her hands across her mouth, but it was too late. Ginko was already grinning like she’d won the lottery.

“Does Tenko-chan like having her nipples played with?”

Tenko lyingly gave a muffled ‘no’ from behind her hands.

“ _Hmm_ … I wonder what else Tenko-chan likes.” Ginko pretended to ponder the question for a moment, and then she relocated, sitting on folded legs between Tenko’s knees. She pushed aside the bottom part of Tenko’s yukata, revealing smooth, sturdy legs. She kissed her way from Tenko’s left knee to halfway up her inner thigh and then switched legs, kissing her way up the right inner thigh until she reached cloth. Looking up at Tenko, she asked with a smirk, “Black panties, Tenko-chan? How risqué!”

“Th-they were on sale, or else I w–” Tenko clamped her own mouth shut with her hands again when Ginko softly skimmed her lips up the crotch of her black panties.

Looking up at Tenko again, Ginko remarked, “Oi, oi – you’re a little wet down here.”

“That’s because you were touching…” Tenko explained shyly. “Don’t make me out to be some kind of perv–” Tenko stifled another squeak with her hands in response to Ginko’s latest move, licking the crotch of her panties.

“You smell good. Taste good too,” Ginko observed. “I had to step on Ayao’s dick and tell him he was the most worthless man I’d ever met to get him to let me use the shower in the men’s quarters. Whose shower did you use?”

Moving her hands away from her mouth, Tenko answered, “Shisako let me use the shower in the ladies’ quarters.”

“Ah, that’s good. I heard that Goriko believes us gals don’t need showers and that the power of pure woman-to-woman love for Otae can keep us clean and smelling nice.”

Tenko sighed. Her boss was as dumb as ever in the wake of months of living as the opposite sex.

With mischief in her eyes, Ginko asked, “Can I take your panties off?”

Tenko hadn’t masturbated since everyone got gender swapped, so she was in serious need of release. She nodded and lifted her hips.

With all the restraint of a dog humping its owner’s leg, Ginko pulled the black garment over Tenko’s ass and hips, down her legs, and tossed it away. The panties landed on top of a nearby tall crate of goods.

“Hey! I need those!”

“Stop whining. I’ll go get them for you later,” Ginko said, before immediately digging in, pulling the soft flesh around Tenko’s lower set of lips wide and dragging a wet tongue up the middle. She stopped long enough to reiterate, “Yep. You taste good,” and then continued, exploring each ridge and crevice with her tongue.

_“Mmmm!”_ Tenko placed one hand over her mouth to quiet her moans; with the other hand, she reached down to touch Ginko’s hair. She had always assumed Gintoki’s unruly mop would be unpleasant to touch – tangled and coarse – but Ginko’s hair was incredibly soft. Whether Tenko had always been mistaken about Gintoki’s hair or the texture of Gintoki’s hair had improved with the gender swap, she didn’t know. She couldn’t have devoted any further thought to it even if she wanted to once Ginko focused her tongue’s efforts on one particular spot. Soon, Tenko’s hand was no longer doing much to keep down the volume of her moans.

Ginko pulled away for a moment to admire the fruits of her labor. She touched it with a fingertip and commented, “Look, the man in the canoe came out to say hello!” While still stimulating the sensitive nub, she stuck two fingers inside Tenko and observed, “Whoa, Tenko-chan. You are soaking wet down here. You really like Ginko-chan that much?”

Tenko mistakenly believed it was possible for her to fire back a retort to the effect of, _‘I’ve never liked you, idiot,’_ but moving her hand off her mouth only served to allow a cry of pleasure to escape. _“Ahhh!!!”_

Ginko gave a self-satisfied smirk and then went back to her task, making love to Tenko with her mouth and fingers.

No longer even attempting to conceal the sound, Tenko let out a non-stop stream of tiny moans that eventually escalated into a loud cry as she came.

Wiping her mouth and massaging the sides of her hard-working jaw, Ginko gave Tenko deep crimson bedroom eyes and asked, “Do you want to taste yourself?”

Getting off exponentially increased Tenko’s horniness, or else she would have found the question off-putting. She nodded.

Ginko stretched forward, hovering over Tenko’s breasts and giving each nipple a quick lick. She then repositioned herself to straddle Tenko’s hips and kissed her deeply.

_“Ahem.”_

The sound of a man clearing his throat startled Ginko and Tenko. They hurriedly grabbed their discarded yukata and covered themselves.

Blushing and looking away, appearing to be mortified by what he had seen, Tsukuo informed them, “Jyuubei-kun wants everyone to report to the bridge. The Dekobokkoists are en route to attack a nearby planet. Within the hour, we’ll intercept them and change ourselves back.”

A breeze inexplicably kicked up in the cargo hold, blowing Tenko’s panties from atop the tall crate of goods. They landed on Tsukuo. He pulled the panties off his head, looked at them, ascertained what they were, and turned a shade of red previously unseen by humans. He then wadded them up and threw them at Ginko’s face.

“Hey! What did _I_ do? Those are Tenko-chan’s panties, not mine!” Ginko defended herself. Pointing at the second man in the room, she demanded, “And what are _you_ doing here? Were you watching us, you freak?”

With blood gushing from his nose, Ayao produced out of nowhere a leather corset and garter belt set and gave an obvious lie. “J-Jyuubei-kun wants you to wear this, Ginko-san.”

“Come on, Ayao. We’re leaving.” Tsukuo dragged Ayao out of the cargo hold, with Ayao kicking and screaming the whole way.

“Ginko-san, I love you!” Ayao yelled as the cargo hold doors slid shut behind him and Tsukuo.

Ginko and Tenko sat in awkward silence for a moment before Ginko broke it with, “So…when can we continue this?”

Putting her panties on, Tenko ignored the question and said, “Let’s get to the bridge.”

\---

**Two weeks later**

Gintoki was home alone for the evening when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered it and saw the male version of the last woman he fooled around with, looking unforgivably sexy in his dark grey yukata, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

Hiding his eyes as best he could behind his v-shaped bangs, Hijikata started, “Um, I thought we could… That is…” He held out a bottle of decent booze and said, “I got this and didn’t want to drink it alone, so…”

Feeling an aberrant and surely unrelated flutter in his heart, Gintoki stepped aside and replied, “Come in.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Because you're you" = an idiot's love confession.


End file.
